Serously, I give up. I can't do it anymore. I'm not going to the black belt test. I can't break three boards like I have to for one technique. I can't even break one. I can't even come close to breaking one. And my dad was absolutely no help. I can't do anything. I know my life shouldn't revolve around my capability to break boards, but I honestly thought that I was stronger than this. Seriously. I mean, I could always break boards before. Why stop now? Now I'm a lame teenager who has no muscle to speak of and everything to complain about and can't see the worth in life because I'm too blinded by the sullen acceptance of my own lameness. Black belts aren't lame. Black belts are on top. And since I'm nearer to the bottom rung, I shouldn't go to the test.
I think the difference is I haven't been building up the shoulder muscles that I need to do the breaks and that's why I can't do it. Not only that, I haven't been practicing. And now I'm not going to the test. It's my desicion, not the instructor's, not dad's, not mom's, not Lydia's, mine. And I choose not. I can't learn to break three boards in a week. I can't do anything well. Knitting is easy and anyone can learn. Singing also. And I could never really act. I only got lead roles over the summer because all the other people were like ten. I know most of the forms, but so what? I know most of the one steps, but who cares? Board breaking is probably the most useful thing that could come out of tae kwon do, and if I can't do that, it's not worth going to the test. Really.
I feel really lame saying this, but it's true. I mean really. When am I ever going to need any of the skills I know now except for typing? I should probably just go and get a job at McDonald's and then fail at life because I was never worth anything. I don't WANT to work at McDonald's, but I'm the lame one in the family, so it's okay. While everyone else is out having a career and a life, I'll be stuck behind serving people meat ground into chemicals to make it taste right.
I know that people who read this (here meaning nobody) would be like, oh, no, you have potential, go out and amaze the world, or something, when I get all depressed like this, but then they wouldn't come up with anything when I ask how I'm supposed to amaze the world. Well, how? Knitting sixty stitches a minute? I can't do that. I can't do anything. And all of you know it.
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