tired writing and annoyed rants

well, you probably know what this is about. If you said race and culture, I need to be more creative.
I hate the race and culture project. officially. it's easily the hardest project ever and I'm nowhere near good at it so i don't know why I'm bothering to continue with it because it is really not that fun. or informative. or anything. and I'm so mad and annoyed in general that I'm' not using the right punctuation. grrrrrrr. except all you readers won't see that because I'll have done spell check. but i hate this computer. i hate my bedroom light. i feel so confined. seriously. like i need to get out and See the world. and not be on this stupid computer that cant even type the way i want it to. and in the next room are my mom and her cousin and my cousin and they're laughing and having a good time and here i am being mad at the world. and they all just laughed epically loudly and made me even more mad that i can't be in there with them because I'm here and they probably don't want me anyway. and all you who are reading this (here meaning nobody) are all probably saying how i have depression issues and i should go see a psychologist. well maybe i do already. and maybe i do have depression issues. maybe the swim coach that i have a crush on won't reply to my facebook chat and maybe that really ticked me off. and maybe i will act like i don't care when i do. and maybe i just don't want to live like this anymore. okay i don't want to keep any secrets. i want to be completely honest. and being completely honest means that i have to tell my mom that i didn't know what i had to do for homework and stuff like that. being honest with myself means admitting all the stuff that I'll never admit anywhere else. and what do i say to that? i say I'm going to stop blogging and go write in my diary. not that's not what I'm going to do. what I'm going to do is stop blogging and go ask if i can join their game. no what I'm going to do is stop blogging for now and go to the bathroom and then ask if i can join their game. well now I'm talking to mom and she said i should probably plan on not playing tonight. and now she's saying that i should come and play for a while. this is really confusing. and now she's leaving to go back to the game. and I'm sitting here typing and crying and being a complete idiot, like usual. because that's just me. i'm going to go now.